5 Signs Its Time to Seek Couples Therapy – What to Know

out out Healthy relationships are important to your overall well-being.  When we enter into a committed relationship such as marriage we are making a commitment to our loved one. Unfortunately the reality is, many relationships do not work out in this way. When it comes to marriages, the divorce rates in Canada are currently at 38%, meaning more than 1 in 3 marriages end in failure according to Statistics Canada (2008).

Problems in relationships do not necessarily have to lead to separation or divorce. Under the right circumstances, it is possible to resolve numerous relationship issues without having to end the relationship. Unfortunately, many couples believe that separation or divorce are the only solutions, not knowing that there are a number of ways to save a relationship. One of these is to seek couples counselling with a counsellor or therapist.

If you want to know if couples counselling may work for you and your partner let us look at some warning signs.

 

  • You don’t look forward to seeing each other

 

Feelings of unhappiness when in the presence of your partner is one of the first signs that may make you question your relationship or marriage. Unfortunately, the fairy tales that we grew up with make us believe that being in a relationship or marriage will be “happily ever after.” 

The reality is that we are still human—even after we exchange “I do’s,” we are still just as prone to making mistakes such as breaking vows, losing trust, and saying the wrong thing, especially to the ones we love! 

If you start to resent your partner and feel unhappy while you are around them, and you cannot articulate the reasons for it, then seeing a counsellor or therapist might help. By discussing those feelings in a mutually safe environment, you and your partner can explore and understand communication and behavioural patterns that can lead to negative communication and eventual contempt for your partner.

 

  • We argue too often

 

The term “often” is relative to each couple. If you never argued in the past, and now argue every day, then this should be a cause for concern. But if you happen to argue every other week or so, even during your dating years, the frequency isn’t so much of a concern as much as the quality and content. 

If you feel that the exchanges are impacting your relationship then couples counselling may help you sort out your issues.

 

  • One or both of you experienced a recent traumatic event

 

Trauma, such as an accident, illness, or death of an immediate family member or close friend, can have jarring effects on a person’s health and mental. If you recently experienced a traumatic event, it can affect your relationships—especially your most intimate one. Just as with any traumatic event, it’s best to seek professional help.

 

  • You lack physical intimacy

 

The lack of physical intimacy itself is usually not the cause of a relationship breakdown, but rather a symptom of more significant problems. Wanting to touch, embrace, kiss, and have sex intimacy with one another are all normal acts of a loving and intimate relationship. 

If you are freezing one another out, then a counsellor can help examine what may be happening in the relationship. Whether its loss of physical or emotional attraction, conflict in values, or issues with trust.

 

  • You don’t trust one another

 

The most common reason for Canadian marriages to end is because of infidelity. Trust is essential in building any sort of relationship, and a marriage is no different. If you don’t trust each other because of a betrayal, then there isn’t a solid foundation for the relationship. 

Counselling cannot prevent infidelity nor cure it, but being able to open up about your problems might give you a chance to fix the behaviours that are hurting one another.

 

Conclusion

Some people think that couples counselling or therapy is for people on the verge of separation or divorce. They try to give their relationship one more chance by taking by seeking a couples counsellor or therapist —only to find themselves digging up more reasons that solidify their belief that they are in the wrong relationship and need to get out. 

Meeting with a counsellor or therapist individually or as a couple does not remove the reasons for wanting a divorce, but rather it is intended to address behaviours and issues before they become too big to ignore. Knowing the warning signs and acknowledging that there are problems that need fixing can be the first step towards saving a relationship or your marriage before it is too late.

Are you looking for a counsellor or therapist in Toronto to help you and your partner through talk therapy sessions? At Toronto Talk Therapy, you can schedule a consultation with Michael Sa’d, a Registered Social Worker specializing in individuals, couples, family counselling, and psychotherapy. Connect with us and book a free 15-minute consultation today!